GETTING OLD REEEEEEALLY SUCKS!

I just realized that this September I'm going to be 47 years old. I'm rounding third and ready to slide into fifty. Holy crap, where did the time go? I never envisioned myself as a fifty year old, yet soon, I WILL be a fifty year old.
I've been noticing that all those actors I saw in movies or on TV always looked the same for years, and then all of a sudden you see a recent picture of them, and they've finally caught up with their age, which in turn makes you feel 100 years older than you already are. You would think that with all the money they've made over the years they would put aside some money to have a little face work done so that all our illusions about them aren't crushed with one single snapshot.
Elke Sommer was once a very hot babe. The first movie I saw her in was at a drive-in movie theatre. I was seven years old and wearing my PJ's with the football players all over them. My parents put myself and my brother and sister in the back of the family station wagon, and off we went to the drive-in. We had one of those Ford jobs, which was painted green with the faux wood panel across the middle of both sides and the back drop door of the car. I can't remember the name of the movie, but it was a flick starring Bob Hope and Phillys Diller. I remember the scene where Elke Sommer had shown up at Bob Hope's cabin and proceeded to get drunk. Somehow she ended up just wearing one of his white dress shirts, and he was running all over the house trying to hide her before his wife showed up. She had a great pair of legs. Even at age seven I thought she was pretty good look'in. Today Phyllis looks better than she does.
Another hot babe was Bridget Bardot. The first time I ever saw her was on a late night TV movie in San Francisco. It was a French flick with English sub-titles. We were traveling up north for a family vacation and we stopped off at this little motel for the night. It was sort of a mini suite with a small living area in front and an enclosed bedroom. Being only the children, we got to sleep on the couches while my parents took the bedroom. I was 12 years old and the movie was called "Content". Know why after all these years I remember the title of the movie? Because in severel scenes they showed Bridget Bardot's bare bottom; and this was before cable! Talk about making an impression! My parents had left us kids behind in the motel room while they went next door for a night cap. I couldn't sleep, so I turned on the TV while my siblings slept. When they came back my mother told me to go to bed, and after they were asleep I quietly turned on the TV to catch the rest of the peep show, but by that time the highlights had already occurred. Miss Bardot is now a professioanl animal lover and rescuer of cats. Seeing her latest photo made me want to cry.
Then there's those gals who refuse to let us think they've grown older. I don't know what destroys our image of a female celebrity more, their natural old age, or their face pulled back so tightly you could bounce a half dollar off their cheeks and forehead. Cher and Joan Rivers are probably the worst offenders. I thought the idea of getting plastic surgery was to look younger, not look like you put your face in a taffey puller.
For some reason men seem to age more gracefuly than women. That seems fair. After all, we're the ones who have to bear the major responsibilities of life. We're the ones who have to work most of our lives to support the wife and kids. We're the ones who have to make sure the plumbing works, the cars run and the roof doesn't leak. We're the ones who have to make sure we make enough money to pay for college, weddings and missions, and still have enough to retire. And after all that, statistically speaking, we get to die first, so it only seems fair that we get to check out with a look of distinction.
So remember folks, it's not Mother Nature you have to fool, but Father time you have to look out for. Time marches on, but hopefully it won't march up and down your face.